Hi Fanta,
What about families who don't want you to pursue your career or education, neither get married to the man of your choice, but more worse, they want you to be living as per their own agenda, be their indirect maid somehow and just being there taking care of everyone in the family but not yourself??
How about such a situation? and if you leave and pursue your career elsewhere, then u r the ungrateful daughter of them and all the good stuff they made for you in past years came to a total lose. What the hell is that? Am i an investment or an asset of the family??
I would like to know your advice about that.
Well, it sure ain't a fun ride.. Not the Arab world, where a girl is supposed to be her family's slave rather than a daughter or a sister. What you've described above is the common case of all the girls living in the Middle East. That is the default. This is how society has designed the role of a female to be. But it surely ain't her inescapable destiny. There ARE solutions.
As you know, girls in our society are brought up on fear. They embrace fear from the day they are born and their families do their absolute best to enforce that fear, feed it and let it grow, as a means of a "control method" that would enable them to manipulate their daughters' lives. The intentions are not necessarily evil or bad.. PROTECTION pops up as the ready-made justification for this "crime". And I call it a crime because that's what it really is.
How can you regain control over your life without upsetting anybody? The answer is GROW UP. It is as simple as that. When you grow up, you make your family realize that it won't be acceptable for you to stay under their thumb for eternity. They will be psychologically prepared for your next step.. which is the "declaration of independence".
Growing up is not easy. It doesn't take place automatically as the years go by. No.. You have to bring yourself up, as long as your family is not willing to do it for you. And I recommend that you read my own story related to this issue here.
What makes families upset is the unexpected outburst or revolution. But if they are prepared for it, it won't be as disastrous as you might think. Regain your life step by step.. You will hopefully reach what you want in the end, with minimal compromises.
Best luck
2 comments:
thanks fanta for dedicating a whole post for this subject. i agree with you 100% that it is left for me to make them realize that i have grown up, which i did, i actually raise dmyself up one way or the other , but thats for whole bunch of reasons i wouldnt discuss now.
the thing is that somehow going down the lane of achiving my goals requires me to leave or travel and live alone, well, it just makes me a bit sad coz i keep thinking of my mother. i really dont know what to say, it slike they have no problem for me persuing my career as long as its here, but if i travel, its not ok, coz they take it that i ran away in a time i should have taken care of my parents. it makes me feel guilty. how can i adjust between fullfilling my dreams and at the same time fullfil my duties if any aslan towards my paretns? espcailly that my dreams are to be persued at all here, i.e , the ME. this is what is tiring me.
forgot to say a bteer word for all this, its emotional manipulation, this is what families do with thier girlz when they know that they have lost control upon them.
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