What will you do if your family wants you to get married and give up all what you are dreaming for??
OK.. So you reached this point when you've just graduated, and while you are considering your future plans, making choices between careers or considering joining a graduate program abroad, your parents are actually on a very different wavelength.. They think it is the right time for you to get married, worried that your chances in finding a good husband will get less by time.
In this case you only have 2 roads to choose from: whether to go after your personal ambitions, in which case you will have to postpone marriage for some time; or to secure a place for yourself as a wife, in the hope that you can go proceed with your academic or professional dreams later on. If you think you can have both at the same time, then I am sorry to tell you that it is impossible.
The choice really lies in your own hands. What are your periorities? Does career or marriage come first? Would you rather be a successful woman, who has a better chance of being a respected wife and an inspiring mother? Or would you rather be an ordinary wife and mother, even if that means that your chances in achieving an above average professional success are minimal?
In life nothing comes for free.. and also nothing can be taken for granted. The way I see it, investing in becoming an independent individual, who has a prestigious career and enjoys financial security, is the best thing a girl can do for herself. We spend years in education in order to improve our choices and increase our alternatives. And I think that no one can argue about the importance of education nowadays. But our world is getting more and more competitive by time.. which means that in order to have a good career you must either start your professional life at an early age to be able to build up a powerful resume, or serve the same aim through higher education that would enable you to become competitive in your field.
A girl who marries upon graduation won't be able to reach the level required to enter competition in the modern job market.. Therefore she will have to settle for an average job with an average or below average pay. She won't have enough time to invest during her first years at work. Indeed, those first years are the most important in establishing yourself in career world. Not being able to spend extra time and put extra effort in your work, means that your chances of promotion will be less than others who joined the job at a younger age, and those who are more productive simply because they got no other responsibilities to tie them down.
This race does not wait for anybody. Unless you give it periority, starting off when you are young and energetic, before your shoulders are weighed down with the responsibilities of marriage and motherhood, you have no hope in catching up with it afterwards.
Those few years that a girl spends to place the foundations for her career and independence, will not reduce her chances in marriage at all. On the contrary, work will make you mature, more responsible and more realistic while taking decisions. These assets will help you while choosing your future husband as well as handling your married life. Moreover, interacting with men in daily life will teach you a lot about them and expose those things which you won't find out easily unless you have actually gained experience in dealing with men. Chances that you will get deceived by someone who proposes will decrease a lot, as you will be able to tell if he is really good or not. Being an independent, working girl will add other admirable aspects to your character. Those are the aspects which only attract the right kind of men, while scaring away the ones who are looking for the young naive girl who can be easily shaped after marriage. In the worst cases, even if your husband turns out to be an awful person, your independence will give you the choice to leave him. You won't be forced to go on with a bad marriage because you don't have another place to live in or you can't afford for your kids. As you grow old, you will be promoted to higher positions, which will not only give you social respect, but will also give your children another reason to be proud of you and to be inspired by your success. If they decide at one point that they want to travel abroad or when the time comes for them to get married, you won't feel lonely or depressed. Your life will be full of purpose, achievements and happiness.
If your family is pushing you to get married, don't give in. Talk to them and let them understand your future plans. Tell them that marriage is part of your plans to ease their worries. If they still insist, you will have to be strong enough in holding on to your beliefs. Only three years will make all the difference in your life, in case you made the best use of them.
I also advise you to read those two articles (
weddings and
housewives), which I believe will help you further in making up your mind. Hope you find my thoughts to be useful.
Sincerely,
Fantasia
